“Tomorrow is a lease I have to sign every morning.”

“Each day I wake up and it takes me a few minutes to remember that you’re no longer here and I just cry in bed for an hour because I still can’t comprehend that you’re gone, that I’ll never be able to see your face again, that I’ll never be able to hug you or hear the sound of your laugh. I keep telling myself that it will get easier with time, that this is just how life works,that we are all doomed to die at some point and that we cannot prevent it but I still cannot function properly, I still stumble upon words when I talk about you, I still cry uncontrollably whenever I listen to your favorite song, I still remember the way you used to pronounce words and the way you used to sing all the lyrics wrong, it has been so long and it still feels like I saw you just yesterday, it still feels like any moment now you would call me and we would talk for hours, it still feels like you’re not truly gone, that you’re still here somehow, close to me yet so fucking far, I swear at times I feel like all of this is just a fucking nightmare or some sick twisted joke because no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to let go of you, I can’t seem to accept that the last time I saw you was truly the last time, no matter how hard I try I still can’t seem to understand death or why it took you before you even got to live.”